[Rikka]

Don't use the commas excessively, if you're going to go with a "rhyme scheme", keep it. If you don't, you're drifting into free-verse, but if you're using a half rhyming and half not, it looks sloppy.

It's a good poem but don't try to force it.

Yeah, im pretty much a noob at poems & english in general, but thanks for the feedback. I will keep that in mind!

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Seems good but I haven't played skyrim in so long I forgot what everything is.

Thank you, its the battle of whiterun xD