Anxiety and Depression 08-25-2021, 10:29 PM
#1
Hey. I have suffered with anxiety and depression for the best part of 6 years. I have been on and off medication in that time and have seen many counselors about it. Since January I have had mental images of hanging myself from the banister of my stairs which I could acknowledge that I didn't want to do and the thoughts would pass. A few weeks ago the thoughts were getting more regular, more vivid and overall more intense and I couldn't seem to shake them. So I phoned my doctor and they put me back on the medication and seeing a counselor.
Things are starting to calm down in my mind now. But what doesn't calm down is the loneliness I feel. Not only because I permanently work from home or that I don't see anyone most days. It's because my anxiety stops me from meeting new people and ultimately find love. I long to find someone I can be with, and not just for sex. My confidence and self esteem are at rock bottom which doesn't help. And every time I do pluck up the courage to talk to someone of the opposite sex the rejection puts me in a spiral of self hatred where I beat myself up over not being good enough for anyone, and that no one will ever want to be with me because I'm the shit at the bottom of the barrel that no one wants. My father killed himself after becoming depressed following the divorce from my mother. I often worry that I will end up like him, alone and depressed with no other option.
Does anyone else here feel like this? If so, how do you cope? How do you manage your anxiety and depression apart from medication and counseling?
Things are starting to calm down in my mind now. But what doesn't calm down is the loneliness I feel. Not only because I permanently work from home or that I don't see anyone most days. It's because my anxiety stops me from meeting new people and ultimately find love. I long to find someone I can be with, and not just for sex. My confidence and self esteem are at rock bottom which doesn't help. And every time I do pluck up the courage to talk to someone of the opposite sex the rejection puts me in a spiral of self hatred where I beat myself up over not being good enough for anyone, and that no one will ever want to be with me because I'm the shit at the bottom of the barrel that no one wants. My father killed himself after becoming depressed following the divorce from my mother. I often worry that I will end up like him, alone and depressed with no other option.
Does anyone else here feel like this? If so, how do you cope? How do you manage your anxiety and depression apart from medication and counseling?
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