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+---- Thread: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) (/Thread-Need-relationship-advice-is-she-over-her-ex)
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Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - loading... - 04-13-2018
I need some advice on how to handle the relationship i'm currently in. Probably not the best place to get advice but I figure it wouldn't hurt.
WARNING: This is going to be long.
So let me first off say, I am extremely insecure when it comes to women. My ex fiancé (six years ago) of almost two years cheated on me and since then i''ve found it hard to trust women. Or anyone for that matter.
So I was in this state job which houses their employees. There's usually about 90-100 employees all living there in dorms and such. I met a girl there and we kind of started dating. It all started when I gave her a blanket to keep warm as she was locked out of her dorm. It kind of just blew up from there and we started dating.
The problem is, her ex BF also works there. They dated for a few months, and broke it off around October or November I believe. We didn't really start dating till late December.
Now, she's a very weird person. She says she's very detatched, and has a lot of mental issues having to do with being forgotten or left. She's very physical with people, as in she pokes people a lot and stuff like that. I used to think it was flirting but I think it's just her personality.
Now, i noticed when we first started dating, any time her ex would show up in the Recreation room, she would kind of scoot away from me a little bit and if we were cuddled or holding hands she would take my hand out of hers. She even once drew a kissy face on a bowl of macaroni and was teasing him with it (which was weird) but she sends kissy faces to almost everyone.
I brought it up to her and asked her if she still had feelings for him and shit. She said no. He was dating another girl while they were dating, and the other girl wanted to close the relationship so he broke it off with her. Apparently she was very hurt and what not and says she would never date him again. She says she hates interacting with him and all that, yet they continue to talk almost daily I feel.
Now there's this thing which is like a board of employees. They're both on it so they both HAVE to interact with each other. However, I notice they both get on and off messenger a lot at the same time. This occasionally happens at 1 or 2 in the morning as well which is weird.
Now, I was video chatting with her a month or so ago, and she was sewing patches onto a shirt. I asked whos shirt it was and she told me it was his shirt. I asked why and she told me he bought her some soup in exchange for sewing the patches on (which I can confirm) but what was weird is when I asked about it, she began crying (like bawling her eyes out) that I was upset that they still interacted. I basically told her of course I am, no guy likes his girlfriend interacting with their ex.
Now, I'm a bit of a dirtbag and I went through her phone about a month ago. I didn't notice any weird messages from either of them to each other, but I noticed she still had an old picture of him, which I deleted.
Now, another thing is, she's horny a lot. I mean, a lot. And I've been very stressed lately so I haven't been able to properly perform in bed, so I know she's not satisfied with the sex. She hates any form of foreplay, and would prefer I just jam it in her. She had some....issues when she was little and doesn't like hands near her crotch and she's too tickelish for oral so I can't really satisfy her that way.
So I recently moved about 100 miles away to find a new job. She's planning to go to what's called Backcountry, which is a 6 month program of purely being out in the national forest to build trails and shit.
The day before I left, she was reluctant to stay the night with me until she noticed it was pissing me off. Why the fuck wouldn't you want to spend your significant other's last night with them? She's leaving for six months and neither of us will be able to communicate at all with each other (except by snail mail) and barely shows a hint of care.
I noticed some weird things happening lately. She recently began starting to dress differently. When she does PT, she normally does it in sweat pants. Now, remember she does PT with her ex (PT as in physical training) and she started wearing shorter shorts and a tank top with no bra..
I've asked around and nobody (out of like 20 people) has seen them flirting or really hanging out or anything.
Now, maybe it's just me, but I like it when my girlfriend texts me often. Calls me often and asks how i'm doing and shit, as I do the same. She hardly does that. She only really messages me around 9 or 10PM. We do voice chat almost every day for 1-2-3 hours too.
I'm just really fucking confused and I don't know what to think anymore. What do you guys think? Am I being a little insecure beta bitch? Or do I genuine cause for concern.
I'm sure there's a lot I left out so if any questions feel free to ask.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - mothered - 04-13-2018
Moved to the Serious Discussion forum.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - Jubaied - 04-13-2018
Mate wtf are you doing letting your girl run loose like that g. fucking tell her str8 to cut off her exs, she wants a man not a bitch no offense. like you said she feels insecure and has issues of being forgotten and left? thats cause she needs someone to stand up and claim her. yeah its calm if she stops kissing u and stuff when her ex is around cause thats normal but ur letting her sew his shirt and gym with her. NO never let your girl gym with any man other than u. infact go gym with her yourself. gyming with another man is like begging for her to lose control of her sex drive.
let her go 6 months or whereever shes going your not going to control her and tell her what to do however when it comes to other boys if they are an EX or a past lover then tell her to block him or block you if she acts up then u reply with "u can do the same with me idgaf". Remember this, theres no such thing as guy bestfriends, she might think that but the guy has other intentions. If she starts complaining dont take any shit from her, your better than that. if she wont change her habits and attachment issues with her old ex then shes not worthy of u. end of. At the end of the day, theres a reason why your past lover is an EX.
that other guy must already be having issues with her gf so hes tryna make your girl into his side chick. dont let that happen infact if shit goes out of control go crazy on HIM. If everything fails tell her to fuck off, she cant be playing you round like a joke. your not a joke mate shes the joke, your trying hard for her and shes chucking it at your face you can do better than this.
LASTLY, if she carries on like this then fuck it, go chat up some gyel and get your own "girl bestfriend". dont flirt of course. once she notices u have female friends and that your attention is to your female friends shes gonna feel the exact same way your feeling and make better effort to be a better girl.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - Jubaied - 04-13-2018
Infact go msg his gf and be like calm your fucking man down and tell him to stop talking to my girl the cunt etc. then start bringing up the gym and everything else. you want to make sure his GF keeps HIM in line. if all goes well your gfs ex will stop all contacts with your gyel
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - Asura - 04-13-2018
I agree with some of the points Jubaied made. You both have to set what's okay and what's not. If she knows that something hurts/bothers you and continues to keep doing so, she doesn't care. Even if she portray some emotions to make it seem like it. You have to discuss about this with her and if nothing change, you got to move on.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - singlehandlogic - 07-31-2018
I read a few lines and got the part I needed to know where this was going to go.
look. best advice I can give is... if anyone breaks up in a relationship and DOES NOT take a few years to themselves... then avoid anything more than friends. anytime someone bounces relationship to relationship, you are asking for trouble! I know this seems harsh, but its generally a rule of thumb to take a few to five years to yourself after a serious relationship.
If you are not the serious relationship kind of gal or guy, then fuck and have fun and go out and let go... if they come around again, hey, have fun, go out, be you, and then again, let go... dont hold on to someone who bounces around or cant figure things out or is in between relationships. You sound like a caring person, it was very thoughtful of the blanket. that is something I would do too.. so I know, you are the type to have your feelings hurt when they go back to the previous relation. thing is, to me, relationships are not just a physical connection, but more so a spiritual one. and when emotions, emotion means literally - to distrub in latin, are present, it can fuck everything up in your gut, and head... and not having a clean slate to start on is YOUR issue. you need to learn this, how to keep friends as friends and friends who could be more, have to reach a threshold and have already been a friend for about 5 - 7 years before considering getting together. that is just my opinion, but i take relationships seriously.
I was married once, in the Army, started too young. she was always unfaithful yet I am a one woman type of man... and one is enough! lol... anyway, she promised time and time again, and we got married and i trusted her, then she and i got pregnant together. we had a beautiful daughter. just over a year later she got pregnant again. well we were always having trust issues and I eventually had a dna test done and found out the worst possible. as you can imagine, the infidelity was the issue and the kids were not mine. I was fucking livid... and I left her even though it broke me. I have had a few gfs over the fifteen years since then, and never met a woman that would keep her word. I do have high expectations and I do expect respect and trust as that is what I gave! but I learned recently, about 8 years ago, another valuable lesson about self love. I do not need anyone to make me whole, complete, happy, or at peace... etc. I committed to myself and I refuse to go out with any woman to the point any feelings develop. no sex... no fun... it sux. but man, I cant tell you how much better I feel!!! I can wake up and I look forward to my day and I dont need anyone to make it better!
IF I find a woman and we talk, and it becomes a friendship, and Im open from the get go about this, there will be a few years of just that. friends... and no sex... I havent found one woman who wants to put any investment into a relationship. In 2015 I finished college for again for the third time, and took some different classes like bio psych, sociology, relationship psych, and I learned so many good and bad things about the word, relationship. women dont want a relationship most times. especially the young ones. up till around 30 years of age, woman dont actually mature completely. sure they start to mature sooner than males, but most women stay in this phase of experimentation and wont commit to a good man. simply because she does not know what she wants yet. this doenst mean she is like that, it just means statistically, she is more likely to still be in her learning phase of who she is and what she wants. men mature later still, around 35 ish... im just entering my 37th year here next month. and I see it all over, men being used as accessories. because they are nice. People accept the love they feel they deserve, so its up to YOU to decide what it is you want out of life and a partner. Its not always the case... sometimes people just click and hit it off from the get go.
Id focus on your career, and just keep EVERY woman as close as friends would. you will know when you meet the right one and you will know when SHE is ready for you to be her knight in shiny armor. it does not seem like your lady admirer knows yet what she wants and is just being pulled emotionally which means, bad for you because she will test out both... and you already said insecure. and with good reason mate! its not a bad thing like most women make it out to be. insecure because women usually give reasons to question their loyalty and trust... so listen to your heart and focus on what is in front of you. YOURSELF. you need to find you SOUL, mate... not your soulmate. hope that helps.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - mothered - 07-31-2018
(07-31-2018, 04:48 AM)singlehandlogic Wrote: you will know when you meet the right one and you will know when SHE is ready for you to be her knight in shiny armor.
I believe this sums It up very well Indeed.
In a nutshell, let nature take It's course.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - skrtja - 07-31-2018
Confront the ex. If not then confront her because you care about the relationship. I think she's just trying to hide it from you. I'd book it personally. Unless you really got a connection.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - singlehandlogic - 07-31-2018
for me, the connection is a two way street, she already has shown him she is not sending the same signal she is receiving from the OP... you did mention booking it, getting the hell out of there, and that is exactly what I would do. personal boundaries are only beneficial if we enforce them. if we let our guard down, of course someone can walking in causing mayhem. its really up to ourselves to be prepared, equipped, and able to consciously act.
RE: Need relationship advice (is she over her ex?) - M00N66 - 07-31-2018
I would personally recommend not dealing with that. It's just a train wreck waiting to happen. Her attitude towards sex is borderline irresponsible, even if she had issues regarding it in the past. Her mentality regarding communication is not very good. Mental issues automatically have bad results, no matter how much you accommodate. Honestly, just keep searching. You clearly can't relate to her so let someone who does be with her. That's my take on it anyway.