+- Sinisterly (https://sinister.ly)
+-- Forum: General (https://sinister.ly/Forum-General)
+--- Forum: The Lounge (https://sinister.ly/Forum-The-Lounge)
+--- Thread: [Writing] Something I'm working on (/Thread-Writing-Something-I-m-working-on)
[Writing] Something I'm working on - Kro - 08-24-2016
No one can truly remember the days before the tower. No one really questioned its existence, that is until the rumours began. Great wealth, power, and god like potential? Anyone who has ever dreamed was drawn in by those seemingly insignificant rumours. Like moths drawn to a flame, the great tower brought people of all walks of life, cities and villages nearby becoming the main areas to live, rising rapidly in population.
Only the bravest few ventured towards the tower itself, finding nothing but its shorn shale walls. Creatures, sculptures larger than any man could truly fathom to create, stood tall as the towers guardians. Many had sworn blindly that those guardians were men themselves. Mighty halberds held within their crushing grasp, steadfast as a deterrent to the fool that tried to force their way towards the looming tower. The odd stains upon the grassland caused the wiser to rethink their brazen plans. However, on seldom occasion the creatures would not budge due to a potential that shone so bright, it blinded the mighty guards allowing them passage towards the tower. Never to return to their families, to the fair cities that bade them well. They simply vanished.
The tower was a monolith to behold, a titan to take on, a challenge calling out to the meekest and the mightiest; for who can truly refuse the promise of becoming a god?
Feel free to leave opinions and review my writing.
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Zaiken - 08-24-2016
It's pretty nice imo, though I got a bad mark in English.
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Theós - 08-24-2016
It got me hooked, WE NEED MORE :O
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Kro - 08-24-2016
(08-24-2016, 12:49 PM)Zaiken Wrote: It's pretty nice imo, though I got a bad mark in English.I noticed a part or two where my writing could be considered stiff. I passed English with flying colours so I'm not all too worried.
(08-24-2016, 04:55 PM)Bubble Wrote: It got me hooked, WE NEED MORE :OAyyyyy
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Silence - 08-25-2016
I went through and changed a few words around to add more emphasis, also fixed grammar and spelling. Didn't change up "rumours" as I figured you're not from the states.
Code:
No one can truly remember the days before the tower. No one really questioned its existence, that is until the rumours began. Great wealth, power, and god like potential? Anyone who has ever dreamed was drawn in by those seemingly insignificant rumours. Like moths drawn to a flame, the great tower brought people of all walks of life, cities and villages nearby becoming the main areas to live and uprising majorly in population.
Only the bravest few ventured towards the tower itself, finding nothing but its tattered shale walls. Creatures forever encased by stone stood tall, larger than any man could truly fathom to create, as the towers guardians. Many had sworn blindly that those guardians were men themselves. Mighty halberds were held within their crushing grasp, steadfast as a deterrent to the fool that tried to force their way towards the looming tower. The odd stains upon the grassland caused the wiser to rethink their brazen plans. However, on seldom occasion the creatures would not budge due to a potential that shone so bright, it blinded the mighty guards allowing them passage towards the tower. Though once they entered they signed themselves off as never to return to their families, to the fair cities that bade them well. They simply vanished.
The tower was a monolith to behold, a challenge calling out to the meekest and the mightiest; for who can truly refuse the promise of becoming a god?I noticed that you tried to over exaggerate your writing, it was great, though you should keep in mind to not be too overly dramatic. It seemed as if you were drifting into a redundancy spree in the middle of it.
Just work on your tenses and keep in mind to try to keep things simple, yet enigmatic; draw the reader in with few words only to have their imagination run wild as they try to comprehend what comes next.
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Kro - 08-25-2016
(08-25-2016, 12:00 AM)Silence Wrote: I went through and changed a few words around to add more emphasis, also fixed grammar and spelling. Didn't change up "rumours" as I figured you're not from the states.
I noticed that you tried to over exaggerate your writing, it was great, though you should keep in mind to not be too overly dramatic. It seemed as if you were drifting into a redundancy spree in the middle of it.
Just work on your tenses and keep in mind to try to keep things simple, yet enigmatic; draw the reader in with few words only to have their imagination run wild as they try to comprehend what comes next.
I appreciate your efforts. You have a few things wrong (ex. the giants are not stone) but I do see where I could fix some of my wording.
EDIT: I went ahead and fixed it with some of your changes.
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Silence - 08-25-2016
(08-25-2016, 03:19 AM)Kro Wrote:(08-25-2016, 12:00 AM)Silence Wrote: I went through and changed a few words around to add more emphasis, also fixed grammar and spelling. Didn't change up "rumours" as I figured you're not from the states.
I noticed that you tried to over exaggerate your writing, it was great, though you should keep in mind to not be too overly dramatic. It seemed as if you were drifting into a redundancy spree in the middle of it.
Just work on your tenses and keep in mind to try to keep things simple, yet enigmatic; draw the reader in with few words only to have their imagination run wild as they try to comprehend what comes next.
I appreciate your efforts. You have a few things wrong (ex. the giants are not stone) but I do see where I could fix some of my wording.
EDIT: I went ahead and fixed it with some of your changes.
Yeah I figured I'd get things wrong. But looking good so far dude.
RE: [Writing] Something I'm working on - Kro - 08-25-2016
(08-25-2016, 04:19 AM)Silence Wrote:(08-25-2016, 03:19 AM)Kro Wrote:(08-25-2016, 12:00 AM)Silence Wrote: I went through and changed a few words around to add more emphasis, also fixed grammar and spelling. Didn't change up "rumours" as I figured you're not from the states.
I noticed that you tried to over exaggerate your writing, it was great, though you should keep in mind to not be too overly dramatic. It seemed as if you were drifting into a redundancy spree in the middle of it.
Just work on your tenses and keep in mind to try to keep things simple, yet enigmatic; draw the reader in with few words only to have their imagination run wild as they try to comprehend what comes next.
I appreciate your efforts. You have a few things wrong (ex. the giants are not stone) but I do see where I could fix some of my wording.
EDIT: I went ahead and fixed it with some of your changes.
Yeah I figured I'd get things wrong. But looking good so far dude.
This would be the finished product. It's going to be used as an introductory. I have a system set in place to update the story as participants expand in the world. I'll most likely share notes that most people wouldn't see on here as it's written.