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+--- Thread: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - (/Thread-What-is-wroth-fighitng-for-School-Essay)
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What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Blue - 11-20-2013
Rate 1-10 please It was graded on this website called Gelnco.
Well, I am going to explain what I think is worth fighting for in war terms. There are things we should stick our nose in and what we shouldn't. But, I am not saying that if our country gives us the call to fight we shouldn't deny it, and you might even think the war is not right and you disagree with it. But that does not matter. That is not the reason you should be fighting for if you disagree with the war. You should fight for your family, friends, and anything else you need to such as the people that can not go to fight the war as well. Such as the old and the young.
You may be wondering is there a right way to want to go to war? Well, In my opinion yes. You may think I am wrong but here let me explain a little more. Say, another country wants to come and invade us or attack us such as the taliban did. If we are attacked first then I think we should attack back. Also, wars in the past we should have not got involved in I don't think such as Vietnam. Sure they need democracy too but that is non of our business with there country affairs. We had lost 47,355 men in that war from fighting! We had lost 58,151 that we counted for total. Which is a lot of Americans who didn't deserve to lose there life for some other country's cause. Say something like World War II. We where attacked by Japan yes that was one reason. But another, We had not known it at the time of the attack but the Jewish and several other types of people where being murdered in Concentration camps in Germany we should help people that are in need as well.
Why should we fight for a reason we disagree? As I had stated earlier there is always a reason to fight for your country. Always, You have friends and family correct? Then there is two great reasons to fight. You must have someone you care deeply about? There is another reason to fight. You need to fight to protect those people at your country who do not have the power to fight or the ones who will not fight to protect those who cannot! If we are invaded those people will realize why they should have fought the should tried to stop it before ith ad happen. The will rise to arms then along with the men in the army. You may not agree with me know but one day if something major happens like that. I am sure you will.
Maybe you will now agree with my thoughts on what is wroth fighting for. There is just so much worth fighting for. The people who are fighting for you right now is the reason you are home safe. The reason you are sitting at school safe. The are the reason you are safe from the dangers that are outside our border. That is what I think is worth fighting for.
What the website said:
I was rated overall 3/4
Your score descriptions:
Organization: Evidence of logical progression of ideas
Adequate beginning, middle, and ending paragraphs
Correct use of transitions
Development: Sufficient focus on topic and mode
Relevant ideas developed
Sufficient use of examples, evidence or details
Sentence Structure: Some minor errors in complex sentences
Adequate sentence variety
Word Choice/Grammar Usage: Appropriate, possibly simplistic vocabulary
Grammar errors don't detract from meaning
Mechanics: Some errors in punctuation, capitalization and spelling
Holistic Score: The writing is focused on the topic in the assigned mode for the intended audience. Supporting details are relevant, but may be limited, overly general, or developed somewhat out of proportion to the main idea. The writing is adequately organized; the progression of ideas may seem predictable, and transitional language is used. Sentences are somewhat varied; repeated sentence patterns are likely. Control over complex sentences may be limited. Vocabulary conveys the intended message but problems with usage may occur. Grammar is mostly correct: errors may be noticeable but do not affect readability. There are minor errors in punctuation, capitalization and spelling.
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Cressi - 11-20-2013
It's kind of short, but nice.
Not many spelling- & grammar mistakes, so I'd give it around 7-8 for language (lacks advanced sentencing and large words).
It's a nice thought, and I think you manage to argue for just that, so eight or nine on argumentation.
Overall I'd rate it at 7/10; good work ^^
Spoiler:
*Worth
*Fighting
*Fighting
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - lux - 11-20-2013
It looks pretty good. If you just worked on sentence structure and lengthened the essay out, it would be great. I'm tempted to post my Macbeth and poetry essay.
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Adorapuff - 11-20-2013
Don'y use 1st and 2nd person. Never use I in an essay. Don't say "In my opinion", instead say "Yes" outright. Don't use words like "I think." You have to know. Never ask your audience a question. You said you won't talk about war. You lied.
Sample intro I just wrote:
Fighting in general is a sensitive issue. Schools don't like it, courts don't like it, and it is frowned upon by society as a whole; however, that does not mean that there is nothing worth fighting for. Its human instinct to fight for one's survival, one's family, and one's friends, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with fighting for those reasons.
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Care - 11-20-2013
Well, the first mistake I saw; Was You're using 'I think' and 'In my Opinion'. You should Never use those words. It makes you look unsure what you're arguing for.
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Lem0n - 11-20-2013
From just glancing from it you write very leisurely and informally, which is not a bad thing but it might help to increase the credibility of your essay. Also it seems like you are just throwing things out there with little or no textual sources/references to back up your claim. It might help to rewrite this in the third person as apposed to the second, just so it doesn't seem so partial towards the audience (as its a secular or worldy topic). It would be good to just scrap your "wells" too, they're unnecessary. You should perhaps also read up on our relationship with the Middle Eastern and Saudi Arabian nations prior to 9/11 because (not to be critical or anything) it seems as though you have an extreme bias towards thinking that any acts of terrorism are unprovoked. An argument you can also look into is that perhaps the US would be better off sticking to domestic affairs rather than spending 680 billion a year to do, nothing of marginal importance really.
Just my opinion. Nice essay.
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Blue - 11-21-2013
(11-20-2013, 10:07 PM)Adorapuff Wrote: Don'y use 1st and 2nd person. Never use I in an essay. Don't say "In my opinion", instead say "Yes" outright. Don't use words like "I think." You have to know. Never ask your audience a question. You said you won't talk about war. You lied.
Sample intro I just wrote:
Fighting in general is a sensitive issue. Schools don't like it, courts don't like it, and it is frowned upon by society as a whole; however, that does not mean that there is nothing worth fighting for. Its human instinct to fight for one's survival, one's family, and one's friends, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with fighting for those reasons.
(11-20-2013, 10:28 PM)Care Wrote: Well, the first mistake I saw; Was You're using 'I think' and 'In my Opinion'. You should Never use those words. It makes you look unsure what you're arguing for.
It was simply the way I worded it. Also, Those where different paragraphs I was arguing about 1 thing then another.
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - cr33pyguy - 11-22-2013
Frame your "opinions" as facts.
And don't use "we", "i" or "you"
here you go, I made an example... of your essay
Spoiler:
Are there Things that should be fought for? There surely are things one should stick their nose in and things one shouldn't. But if a country gives us the call to fight we shouldn't deny it, even if the war is not justified, or against one's subjective point of view. But that does not matter. Some causes may be justified to fight for, such as fighting for your family, friends or people that cannot go to war themselves, such as the old and the young.
One might wonder if there a right way to go to war? Going to war could be justified from one's point of view, but it is impossible to justify from a general point of view. Here's why. Say, a country wants to invade or attack another, such as the taliban did. Retaliation to such events could be a justified cause to fight for. Other crises, such as the Vietnam war, the USA should not have gotten involved in. Even thought the USA went in in support of Democracy, it is not a considerable cause to get involved in a war for, as the politics of such countries are none of the business of the USA. The USA lost 47,355 men in the Vietnam war from fighting, and a total of 58,151 casualties was counted. Take something like World War II. The USA was openly attacked by Japan, for one cause, but another one is that the USA saw helping the victims of the concentration camps of the Axis powers as a reason to fight for. Therefore it could be argued that helping those in need is a justified reason to fight for, even though most times, war is not the most efficient way of achieving this goal of helping these victims.
As stated earlier on, a call to arms by your country is always a reason to fight for. Everybody has friends and family, that someone that one cares for, correct? One reason to fight can be found right there. You need to fight to protect the people of your country who do not have the power to fight or the ones who will not fight to protect those who cannot. If we are invaded those people will realise that they should have fought and that they should have tried to stop it before it happened. This is a subjective opinion, and therefore differs from individual to individual, who knows, maybe the country would be better off getting invaded.
An agreement on what is wroth fighting for will never be reached, as it is very much up to the subjective viewpoint of the individual.There are multiple causes to fight for and the people who are fighting for you right now are the reason your home is safe. The reasons they fight for are also reasons for you to fight for.
One might wonder if there a right way to go to war? Going to war could be justified from one's point of view, but it is impossible to justify from a general point of view. Here's why. Say, a country wants to invade or attack another, such as the taliban did. Retaliation to such events could be a justified cause to fight for. Other crises, such as the Vietnam war, the USA should not have gotten involved in. Even thought the USA went in in support of Democracy, it is not a considerable cause to get involved in a war for, as the politics of such countries are none of the business of the USA. The USA lost 47,355 men in the Vietnam war from fighting, and a total of 58,151 casualties was counted. Take something like World War II. The USA was openly attacked by Japan, for one cause, but another one is that the USA saw helping the victims of the concentration camps of the Axis powers as a reason to fight for. Therefore it could be argued that helping those in need is a justified reason to fight for, even though most times, war is not the most efficient way of achieving this goal of helping these victims.
As stated earlier on, a call to arms by your country is always a reason to fight for. Everybody has friends and family, that someone that one cares for, correct? One reason to fight can be found right there. You need to fight to protect the people of your country who do not have the power to fight or the ones who will not fight to protect those who cannot. If we are invaded those people will realise that they should have fought and that they should have tried to stop it before it happened. This is a subjective opinion, and therefore differs from individual to individual, who knows, maybe the country would be better off getting invaded.
An agreement on what is wroth fighting for will never be reached, as it is very much up to the subjective viewpoint of the individual.There are multiple causes to fight for and the people who are fighting for you right now are the reason your home is safe. The reasons they fight for are also reasons for you to fight for.
And sorry if neutral wasn't what you were attempting to get to
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - BlueScreen - 11-24-2013
You should be more objective and stop saying what you think. A lot of people make that mistake and it usually sets them back a grade. Also, depending on your assignment the essay should be 4+ pages if you want a decent grade (a weak 5).
RE: What is wroth fighitng for? - School Essay - - Eclipse - 11-24-2013
I give it a 6 or 7/10.
Constructive criticism:
- Don't use 1st or 2nd person.
- Don't seem unsure.
- Write formally.
It was a good read even though I don't agree with all of what was written.