[Evangelist]

Over the time I have spent in this section, I have seen issues ranging from lack of confidence, to how to start a conversation. Which are more than normal issues in teenagers to some adults? One of the main reasons that these issues emerge, is lack of socialization. Let’s face it, we might not like it but, the internet is one of the biggest part of our lives, whether it be on Hack Forums or Facebook. It doesn’t matter, we use the internet for something even something as meaningless as just logging in and checking e-mails. All our cell phones have internet so that makes it very accessible. Even if we try to avoid it, we still get sucked into it. When we do, we avoid other people, and then you wonder why almost everybody has trouble talking to people in person. When your fingers do all the talking you forget to use your mouth.

What I am saying is, if you want a girlfriend, a friend, a person to confide and talk to on a daily basis, in person you really can’t sit and pray for that person to appear out of nowhere, look at the people that have money, success, they didn’t get it by sitting there and doing nothing but hope. I know it can be hard stepping out of the comfort zone and harder if it’s for something you don’t really need. You need a balance, divide the time you use in the internet and socialize with others. Always go out, even if you really don’t know anybody. You have to start somewhere right? If you are in school this will be way easier, aim for a person, whether it is a girl or a dude, aim for that person and start with “hey” or something, you have to break the ice when meeting anybody.

There will always be a single or multiple moments that will trigger the perfect chance of a conversation. The tricky part is knowing when it’s happening but, that comes instinctively. If you feel the urge to talk then probably that is your sign, when you feel that urge but, ignore it, which could actually prove to be hurtful. You will second guess yourself. “Why didn’t I do it?” “Damn there goes the only shot” “I am pathetic” I can go on, because I know how it feels.

When starting a friendship most people feel the need to compulsively lie and enhance themselves to appear interesting, but normally these people have what we call “low self-esteem” how do I know this? It comes by logic. Otherwise why would you feel the need to lie to impress others if you are confident with yourself? Just to lie? No, I highly doubt that. Even if you have very little confidence, always be sincere and honest about yourself and why are you trying to be friends with that person. However if you are lying make sure you are a good one because in long term friendships people tend to mix stories getting themselves caught and your friend could potentially feel betrayed and furious, others might not even care. Always be careful with lying, I advise to completely avoid it. It might get you a friend but, you will not deal or even progress with your confidence issues. Same goes with girls; they specially hate being lied too. Naturally girls are more caring than men, so if you lie to them that could really be bad for you.

If you are no longer in school and have no idea on how to find a friend, I am sure you have a cousin or a relative that could introduce you to his friends and then create a chain of connections until you know several people. From there you can make plans to go out and meet new people. Most likely one of those new friends you made, will know a girl and girls obviously know other girls and you repeat the process until you meet one that you really like, then from there repeat the what I talked about in the middle of the thread, always be aware of the perfect chance to talk, once you find that one the rest will happen continuously until you can talk fluidly and without hesitation.

One of the key points in talking to girls, do not for the love of everything that is holy and unholy, treat them as if they were aliens or powerful deities. They most likely feel awkward and will automatically shut you down because of it. Talk to them as if they were normal people, what I am telling you to avoid is this “uh, umm, h-how a-ar-e y—ou” from what I have seen, that ticks off a sign that you are not interested in their friendship but, actually looking for something else or that you have very little confidence and as we all know, girls like a confident guy but not a bragger.

Depending on the girl that could hurt or help you. Some hate it; others find it cute when guys stutter. Instead of starting a conversation as if you were a professional salesman, why not talk to them as if you were talking to one of your guy friends? Instead of starting all defensive and scared “Hello, my name is Ryan I was born 23 years ago I have a PHD. In History and religious studies, I graduated with high honors, I have an HF account and I know what a booter is, and I will be very interested in engaging in what the kids call a “friendship”. Why not start more relaxed and calm “Hey what’s up?” Nothing more! You might think it’s a stupid detail but, trust me how you do things say a lot about you.

If you talk like the second example that could mean that you are confident, if you start like the first example that says that you are utterly nervous and unconfident. I have seen guys give their whole life story when first talking to a girl and you shouldn’t do that. You shouldn’t say much because that could bait them to ask more about you. Key word, “COULD” all this advice depends on the girl.

Always introduce humor to the conversation, I don’t mean knock knock jokes or racial slurs, I mean a natural sense of humor, be funny naturally and don’t publically humiliate yourself to get a couple of shock laughs that doesn’t work like it does in movies.

TL;DR Don’t be a robot when looking for friends, if you have low confidence, work out, skateboard do something physically, divide your online time and read my thread.This advice might seem unusual but, these are the ones that worked for me and I have 5+ plus year relationship and got married, so if it worked for me it could work for you.

Disclaimer: I apologize, If my advice is not good or does not seem helpful, I am not an Emotional Support specialist, I am a debater so this is not my strong suit.

[Demonic]

I only really go outside the house when I have to go to school or to my fathers house.
Other than that due to... reasons... I hardly ever go outside and I find the internet to be a great escape from the crap that life presents.
Heck I have no friends outside of my "virtual world" and, trust me, I'd bloody love to have some irl friends but due to said, undisclosed reasons I really don't have the ability to just go outside and make some.

I used to skateboard but that ended rather... abruptly...

I like the ideas you have here and the advice you give. But it won't work for everyone. The talk of increasing confidence and low self-esteem is kinda undermined by the confidence and self-esteem needed to perform most of the things that people claim to increases the traits in the first place.

The only time I have had the ability to talk to people I'd call "true friends" in real life is when I had no other choice but to get to know these people.
For that time, however, I found it far easier to talk to the girls in the group than the guys. It might be just me but once it gets down to it girls are really easier to talk to, far more so than guys are.
Of course that ended and now they're among the "Facebook friends" group.

... I'm gonna shut up now. Nice thread dude.

[Evangelist]

I only really go outside the house when I have to go to school or to my fathers house.
Other than that due to... reasons... I hardly ever go outside and I find the internet to be a great escape from the crap that life presents.
Heck I have no friends outside of my "virtual world" and, trust me, I'd bloody love to have some irl friends but due to said, undisclosed reasons I really don't have the ability to just go outside and make some.

I used to skateboard but that ended rather... abruptly...

I like the ideas you have here and the advice you give. But it won't work for everyone. The talk of increasing confidence and low self-esteem is kinda undermined by the confidence and self-esteem needed to perform most of the things that people claim to increases the traits in the first place.

The only time I have had the ability to talk to people I'd call "true friends" in real life is when I had no other choice but to get to know these people.
For that time, however, I found it far easier to talk to the girls in the group than the guys. It might be just me but once it gets down to it girls are really easier to talk to, far more so than guys are.
Of course that ended and now they're among the "Facebook friends" group.

... I'm gonna shut up now. Nice thread dude.

I know it won't work for everybody, but, that is why I posted the thread. I am willing to sit down and talk to members about this until we find a reasonable approach that would benefit them.

[Nefarious]

I've never been good at talking to people, or staying in a conversation.
Whenever I want to say something I always have to think about it and say it at least five five times in my head before I'm ready to say it, usually by that time it's no longer relevant to the conversation.
So I end up now saying anything, I just sit and listen.
My sister has tried on multiple occasions to introduce me to people, but I can never talk to them.

Your thread made a lot of good points, I enjoyed reading it.

[Auth]

Very nice read man, I only go outside as Demonic does when I go to school or back/too my mums and dads house.


Was a very good read, and I would like to say congrats on your marriage.

[Four]

I used to be like you guys. I'd sit behind my computer screen or watch TV, only going out to go to school or somewhere with my family.
I'm an only child, so I was usually pretty lonely and all my friends were losers who sat inside like me all day.
Eventually, we started making plans to go outside and do shit. Picked up more friends along the way. Etc.
However, while the outside world did help me in socialization, so did sitting behind my computer screen. In this world, it's often quite uncomfortable to randomly talk to a stranger in person, unless working together or being confined to the same small space for some time (Ex: School, sports teams, etc.).
I usually first converse with people through facebook or something similar, then meet up and talk in real life. That's how I got my current girlfriend at least.